Who knew it could feel so intensely physical, like a giant lymph node tightening under the diaphragm, I’m sinking into the chair, sinking all the way down my legs, clinging to the soles of my feet, tight between the heel and the shoe, down to the floor, to the ground, where there’s no longer any space to sink further. Inhale again, a tight bowstring in the lungs, it would be easy to let it go, but for all the endeavor of holding it tight. It's tough to let go of the endeavor.